Episode 35: Opposites Attract: Myers Briggs Come to Life
We’ve always heard that opposites attract, right? But how does that translate into real life? In this week’s episode we get into the nitty gritty of what it’s really like to be in a relationship with someone with a differing personality type. While we’re approaching the topic through the lens of marriage, the truth is, we are in all sorts of relationships with people who are different than us, and we hope there’s a takeaway for everyone, be it a benefit, a relatable trial, or a piece of advice. Make sure you’re following us on Instagram and make sure you're subscribed to our newsletter- link on the homepage!
If you want to find out your personality type the same way we did, follow along here!
KA drinking a Texas Spritzer (Topo Chico + Deep Eddy Grapefruit vodka). KB drinking Lavender Tea (see Kitsch Pick for details)
Friends With Benefits
As an introvert, being with an extrovert has been vital for my social life. If we were both as introverted as I am, we would never have friends because we would never leave our apartment or talk to anyone.
Sensitivity + objectivity= a new perspective on life.
Feelers help thinkers realize emotions are real. Thinkers help feelers realize that while emotions may be real, there is still objective data to observe when making decisions.
Being in a relationship with someone who expresses emotions differently than you is probably healthy. Because if there were two criers in a relationship, no decisions would ever be made and everyone would cry ALL THE TIME.
If you can learn to compromise and work together with your partner, it makes you a more well rounded and empathetic person. Learning to compromise on your differences can translate into other relationships and help you see things from a different point of view. Maybe you could even put it on your resume.
The Struggle is Real
Differing energy levels/sources can be an issue. As an introvert who spends all day being “on”, I get home and want to recharge, silently. Which can make it hard to engage or connect at the end of the day.
“Getting a Virtuoso to commit is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.” This freedom mentality can be a struggle when you’re married to someone who wants to be tethered to another person. The difference in these relationship ideals is something that requires conscientious thought and conversation.
“I don’t know how I feel about something until I’ve written it down.” This is in stark contrast to the ESTP propensity for verbal processing. Aligning these two processing styles is not something that happens overnight, lemme tell ya.
Conflict management. “Nothing is as boring as everyone agreeing with you” is difficult to reconcile with “I want everyone to be happy all the time and never argue ever.” While working through this results in a healthier relationship, the work is easier said than done.
EMOTIONS. When you come at things from an emotional standpoint and you have a logical person who refutes everything with facts and figures and you don’t have the vocabulary to articulate what you’re thinking in as logical of a way, you wind up feeling illogical and crazy.
What’s A Girl To Do?
A huge source of potential conflict for an introvert and extrovert is any type of social situation. When one person is ready to leave and doesn’t want to draw attention to themselves and the other person doesn’t see the problem, problems can ensue. Avoid this dance by having a pre-arranged departure time, taking two different cars, or having a code word so that leaving doesn’t turn into fuel for a later fight. Diffuse the situation before it even happens.
“Become an expert in people’s strengths.” When you have a better understanding of who your partner is, it helps you see them more clearly. Championing their strengths is so much more beneficial than harping on their weaknesses. Bonus points for thinking of ways to turn said “weaknesses” into strengths.
Be patient with the other person. Make compromises, but realize at the end of the day, you can’t change who a person is.
Allow the person in your relationship who needs time to decompress that space without taking it personally. It will in turn allow them to be a more engaged and stimulating conversation partner. On the flip side, after decompressing, make the effort to engage with your partner. Compromise at its finest.
Embrace generosity. Give your partner freedom or space or the words of affirmation they need and adjust your mindset so that when you receive these gifts in return, they’re not taken for granted.