Episode 34: Unmet Expectations of Adulthood: Addressing The Gaps in Our Life Knowledge
A confession of all the things our younger selves thought we would for sure know how to do by this point in our lives. We hope by the end of this episode you realize you’re not the only one who struggles to conquer seemingly simple feats. We know you’re inundated with everything that everyone else can do on the internet and it can feel like you’re the only one with gaps in life knowledge, but lucky for you, you have us to make you feel better about these gaps. Speaking of the internet, we like to hang out there. Check us out on Instagram, Facebook, and sign up for our newsletter for more Kitschy Kountdown goodness!
Change a flat tire. With the amount of times I have been put in this situation, I should know how to do this by now, but every time (notice I said EVERY TIME because it happens ALL THE TIME) this happens, I have to call roadside assistance for help.
Go through a car wash. Does someone push your mirrors in for you? What if you don’t drive on to the tracks the right way? When do you drive in? When is it over? IT’S TOO MUCH.
Math. If you need a big word to make you sound smart, call me. If you need to know what 27+14 is, give me ten minutes and piece of scratch paper and I’ll get back to you. I have come to accept this is not my strongest skillset and that’s just the way it’s going to be.
Pick out a decent bottle of wine. I feel like I should be able to pair the wine with whatever I’m cooking and make an educated decision based on something other than the label. But for now, I’ll just stick with a red blend and pretend I notice the floral or marshmallowy tones people taste...
Cut a watermelon. Or any other fruit or vegetable for that matter. This needs to be offered as an undergrad class in lieu of Experiencing Music 101.
Make bread. In my mind, I pictured myself being the type of person who always has a homemade loaf of bread on hand or who can whip up some homemade pizza dough for pizza night, but that just hasn’t been the case in my adult life.
Know my left from right without having to second guess myself. This is directly attributed to my left handedness. Everything in my life is backwards and having to figure out my left from right is not something that comes to me instantaneously. Left handers, unite!
Wear lipstick. I try all different techniques, different colors, everything I can think of, to no avail. I don’t like the way it feels and it doesn’t stay on quite right and I just don’t know what to do about it. KA recommends Revlon ColorStay Overtime.
Do a ponytail. I’ve been doing my hair every day for twenty-something years, so I don’t understand why I can’t get it quite right. I aim for the “cute, spunky, I didn’t try but it looks perfect” look and can only achieve this when I haphazardly throw up my hair before bed when no one will see it.
Fold a fitted sheet. I always end up folding it in half, rolling it into a ball, and smooshing it. I always tell myself I’m going to learn how to properly do this, but more than likely I’m going to just keep on rollin ‘em.